Listen up, you magnificent degenerates.
We’re proud (or possibly damned) to announce the upcoming release of The Undertaker, the debut novel from an author who clearly smoked one too many spliffs and decided the world needed more ginger hitmen.
Set in the perpetually pissed-on parish of Kiltimagh, County Mayo, this book follows Seamus O’Flaherty – undertaker by trade, professional bastard by vocation, and occasional hitman for those who truly deserve a pine box with extra nails.
He’s fifty-three, red-haired, built like a barrel of bitterness, and blessed with an attitude so massive it has its own gravitational pull. By day he tells grieving widows their husbands were useless pricks while upselling the deluxe casket. By night he removes society’s scum – politicians, wife-beaters, embezzlers, and anyone who double-parks outside the pub – for a reasonable fee and zero sympathy.
What starts as a sideline in “ethical” killings spirals into glorious mayhem when Seamus discovers his hits are all linked to a massive local scam masterminded by the unlikeliest villain: a trusted priest who moonlights as a pimp and dodgy car mechanic.
Cue exploding bucket bombs, a paralysed Dublin gangster obsessed with “size and power,” a stoner apprentice who weaponises laxatives, a gothic mortician girlfriend with a Pamela Anderson figure and a Morticia Addams soul, an ex-wife demanding €26,579 for the world’s most unnecessary tit upgrade, and one tragically unlucky grey squirrel caught in the crossfire.
It all culminates in the wildest mass funeral Ireland has ever seen – coffins splintering, bullets flying, attitudes clashing, and punchlines landing harder than a hurl to the bollocks.
The Undertaker is dark, filthy, and unapologetically twisted. Think Father Ted got drunk with Pulp Fiction in a peat bog and woke up with a hangover and a body count.
If you like your humour blacker than a pint left out in the sun, your heroes rude as a docker’s fart, and your villains deserving of every gruesome comeuppance, this is the book for you.
Coming soon to wherever fine (and not-so-fine) books are sold.
Pre-order now and we’ll throw in a complimentary brake-cable inspection voucher. You’ll thank us later.
Tagline:
He buries the dead by day… and helps the scum join them by night.
Quotes from early readers (names redacted to protect the guilty):
- “Laughed so hard I nearly needed a coffin myself.”
- “Filthier than a festival portaloo and twice as funny.”
- “Finally, a hero who says what we’re all thinking.”
- “My priest won’t speak to me anymore. Worth it.”
Stay tuned for release date, cover reveal, and possibly a limited-edition spiked-punch recipe.
In the meantime, mind the bog. And whatever you do – don’t piss off the ginger.
The Knobfather out May 11th 2026