OwenCroft

Listen up, you magnificent degenerates. We’re proud (or possibly damned) to announce the upcoming release of The Undertaker, the debut novel from an author who clearly smoked one too many spliffs and decided the world needed more ginger hitmen. Set in the perpetually pissed-on parish of Kiltimagh, County Mayo, this book follows Seamus O’Flaherty – … Read moreA New Black Comedy That’ll Bury You in Laughter

A Bloke’s Guide to Caravanning is for every man who’s ever thought, “Hotels are too easy – I’d rather spend a small fortune to shit in a plastic box in a gale.” Congratulations, you absolute weapon. You’ve reached that glorious stage of life where your knees click like castanets, your doctor sighs before he speaks, … Read moreA Bloke’s Guide to Caravanning

by Sir Reginald Bentinck-Fitzmaurice, OBE, Royal Literary Patron and Occasional Equerry to His Majesty It is with a mixture of profound trepidation, mild nausea, and the faint whiff of smelling salts that I, Sir Reginald Bentinck-Fitzmaurice – holder of the Order of the Bath (second class, naturally), former equerry to several corgis, and author of … Read moreForeword for Tarquin the 3rd

Misty peat bog in County Mayo – the kind of landscape that preserves secrets (and bodies) forever. Fog rolling over an Irish bog – dreary, atmospheric, and utterly Mayo. Storm clouds gathering over the vast peatlands of Mayo – welcome to my old backyard. Those years in Kiltimagh left a mark. The relentless rain hammering … Read moreComing Soon in 2026: The Undertaker by Owen Croft 

WARNING: Contains explicit language, royal filth, and zero smelling salts  The darkest, filthiest “biography” you’ll ever hear (because reading it might require therapy and a stiff brandy).  Meet Tarquin Archibold Barnaby Wilfred the Third: dumped at birth in a black bin-liner because his face made the midwife scream, the Queen retch, and even the corgis … Read moreDive into the INTRODUCTION of Tarquin the 3rd: The Royal, the Corgis Refused to Lick

Because Half the Country Turned Into Shuffling, Brain-Dead, One-Way-System Zombies By Owen Croft   When the dead start walking and society collapses faster than a pint glass in a pub brawl, who do you trust? Not the Instagram survival influencers with their quinoa and crossbows. Definitely not the middle-management pricks trying to schedule a “zombie … Read moreA BLOKE’S GUIDE TO THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

Alright, you lot. Gather round, grab a brew (or something stronger if you’re reading this after dark), and let me bend your ear about something that’s been brewing in the twisted recesses of my brain for far too long. I’m Owen Croft, the deranged Yorkshire bastard behind all those other filthy, mental books, and today, … Read moreEy Up, You Filthy Legends: Introducing THE KNOBFATHER

Sample chapter from Modern bollocks They’re comin’ for the last two things that still make a man a man: cash in your pocket and the right to be a forgettable nobody. First they sold us the dream: “Digital ID will make life easier, Bob! No more carryin’ cards, no more rememberin’ passwords, just wave your … Read moreDIGITAL ID AND CENTRAL BANK DIGITAL CURRENCY: THE FINAL NAIL IN THE COFFIN OF BEIN’ LEFT ALONE

A bit about how this book came to be, before we dive in: I grew up around the Stalybridge area in Tameside, proper local lad, know these streets like the back of me hand. The idea for this story first popped into my head about 15 years ago, sparked by a character I actually knew … Read moreDaz the Binman

6:47 AM – Alarm’s Wailing Like My Ex’s Solicitor The phone’s buzzing on the bedside table like it’s got a personal grudge against my eardrums, vibrating across the scarred wood with the ferocity of a cornered rat trying to gnaw its way to freedom. It’s not just noise; it’s an assault, a mechanical banshee howling … Read moreMONDAY – THE RESURRECTION OF THE UNDEAD ARSEHOLE